May 2. Royal Balance. Not.

This entire winter – post Christmas – was a long one.  We had snow in late April and May has not been, exactly warm.  Work has also been out of control and I have many mixed emotions about that.  I’m not sure how much to share here.  I write this blog for myself but also for Nathanael when he is older (much older – like old enough to get over all bad choices I made when he was young and recognize me as a flawed person who loves beyond measure).  I think it would be helpful for him to know that we’re incredibly purposeful with him.  I’m sure he’ll harbor anger towards us for the thing we unintentionally do, but I want him to know that we tried to think things through.  Needless to say, work has been out of control.  For the most part, I like my work.  I like attacking challenging problems.  There’s lots of things that drive me crazy and I imagine I’ll freelance sooner vs later – but for today, at least, I continue.  But, every single day I struggle with missing him.  I feel are time is limited and it is heart breaking.  On the other hand, I know our bond is strong.  It’s clear Nathanael trusts us and we provide the structure he needs.   He’s also a physical touch kid.  He wants to cuddle, he wants to be held, he needs it.  I am continuously thankful for our foster family who loved him.  I hesitate to think what damage a lesser family or institution would have done to him.  He craves physical touch.  I fear he would not have received that in a lesser environment.

I do feel like we are all in sync.  Nathanael is able to get his body and brain working together.  And, frankly, he’s pretty reasonable.  If we talk about in X time we’ll do Y, he’s pretty good about it.  Of course, when I promised him shoes and Target had none, I had one seriously bumed kid on my hands.  He threw his current shoes out of the cart, turned around and walked away from me with his head down.  I couldn’t blame him honestly.  I promised him new shoes.  He LOVES new shoes.  He’s very particular about his shoes.  There were none.  I think he did pretty good handling the disappointment all in all. 

Easter baskets were a real joy.  He was very excited by it.  He loved the experience.  He felt special.
His letters are seriously great.  I really need to scan some of them in because I can’t really believe how good he is a them.
Playdates are the big thing at montessori, I think I’m letting him down on this one.  Must work on that.

Our house feels good.  Tita continues to be a joy.  We’ve been working hard on getting her into a school next year and hopefully, it will work out.  I love to see those two playing together.  It really make my heart happy.

Spring has changed my outlook.  I feel a bit more energetic.  I feel a bit more like I’m not imploding on myself.  I feel there are possibilties.


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Little E

This is an outfit we sent him!


Application to agency: 2/7/07 Dossier to agency: 7/30/07
i171h: 9/6/07
Referral: 9/13/07
POA to Guatemala: 9/28/07
DNA auth: 11/29/07
Enter family court: 12/18/07
DNA test: 1/16/08
Birth mother interview: 1/16/08
DNA test results to embassy: 1/23/08
Registered with the CNA: 2/11 (grandfathered in)
Exit family court: 2/11/08
Pre-approval: 3/6/08
Enter PGN: 3/12/08
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Adoption decree signed: 4/17/08
New birth certificate: 4/22/08
New passport: 4/25/08
Orange: 5/5/08
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