Perhaps the un-xmas like weather has something to do with it. 

So, as I write this, today is operation holiday spirit (but having a hard time rallying). 

This morning I cuddled with Nathanel for about 10 minutes before we got up and going.  Cuddling with Nathanael is truly precious. I guess if that does make one feel in the holiday spirit, nothing will.

Nathanael also read us 2 books tonight – he’s really getting on a roll with it and his confidence just shown through.  He’s proud and he should be.

I do sometime wonder the effects adoption will have on Nathanael.  He’s always been a bit sensitive to sound/noise/light – and he demonstrated that on Saturday.  He’s done really well in floor hockey and on sat he sort of crumbled.  We missed 2 weeks (thanksgiving and then mom needed a break) – anyway, he just could not do it.  He clung to me and just could not separte.  We encouraged but did turn into assholios.  In the end, we left – it wasn’t worth it.  But, I was sad because he had enjoyed the previous weeks and I hate to see him in such an obvious state of discomfort.  I think he’s doing much better in more stressful environments but we are still in the early stages of him adapting to these situations.  I do think this is a manifestation of our relatively mild adoption issues and if we go slowly, we can work through it.

It’s been so neat to see him start hearing sounds, trying to spell out sounds, linking sounds to letters and now, apparently, to words. It’s a good day.

Next day
I spoke a bit more to his teacher today (who we happen to adore). It really made me want to cry. She said that he did read it with all the usual glitches (reading the right page first etc) but he def read it. She said that afterwards, she stopped the class and made the big announcement and everyone clapped. And the bigger kids came over and congratulated him. He is just so incredibly proud and motivated. I love how she handled all of this.

From my eyes I just saw a kid that was about to high tail it out of there and verbalizing how much he wasn’t going to do this.

So, as he was fleeing I was able to grab him and sit on the bleechers to watch the classes before us. I figured out what was going on (as he screamed I don’t want to fall) and explained to him that he was in the beginners class, not the other classes. I pointed to the kids on the bench sitting against the boards and that would be him. I also showed him that the teachers were holding each kid and that he would not be skating on his own. I told him that they would bring the bench on over to the entrance and that they would place him on it and then push the bench on over. And it clicked. I am not usually successful at the reason. So, he calmed down in about 10 seconds and we were able to put his skates on. I, of course, forgot his helmet, but it wasn’t a big deal. The teachers brought him over to the bench and on he went. All in all, I though it was a success. He seemed to enjoy the class. Afterwards we watched one of his friends take the class. And then he insisted we watch some mites play hockey. He LOVED that.

I wish that I could bottle these days up because I love them. I need to work on presence because it is experiences of gold.

Today we played his version of our Montessori classroom. It gave me a quite good glance into how things are run in the room and I have to say, I approve. Nathanael played the teacher and it was really fun to act out the experience with him. Nathanael showed me “work” and he clearly has a good model in Miss Sarah. We did circle time, work time, outside time, and show & tell. I think it’s my favorite thing to play since hockey tends to wear me out. It was fun to hear Nathanael’s experience through Nathanael’s voice of Miss Sarah. He clearly finds it to be such a great honor when Miss Sarah shows him work.

We also started his first (semi) organized sport. He’s in floor hockey and I think the concept of organized sports was a bit challenging him to understand. Eventually, he’ll get the hang of it but apparently, he really hated wearing the goggle (which I can’t blame him for).

We start learn to skate in a few weeks. Nathanael thinks he starting actual hockey but I’ve had to explain to him tha the needs to learn to skate first – this is a bit challenging for him to process.

Tomorrow is Halloween and I think it’s way up their on their kids favorite lists. We are so lucky to be living by amazing neighbors and the kids are going to go out together. He loves it and was so hoping to go trick or treating with them.

Shame. This week was school photos. I asked him to wear a red hoodie (love this kid in red) and it was just a regular hoodie – with a football on it. Apparently, somehow this elicited the response of “the other kids will laugh at me” in a very sorrowful voice. Now, if had sad, I don’t want to wear it – on it would stay. But, a red hoodie as a source of shame? Off it went.

Literacy. According to his teacher, he’s on the cusp of reading. I think it would be so neat to teach a kid to read, I envy them. We’ve not been pushing it because we don’t want it to be a “thing” but it is a BIG thing that is super exciting. I look forward to his progress.

Field Trips. Montessori allows fied trips at 4 and riding the bus is a big, big thrill. On his first field trip, he went to an apple orchard. The pride he showed was something else. I used to bring him to school and make him do the walk of shame – all the other kids would be lined up in their red field trip shirts and Nathanael would have to walk by them on his way to the classroom. But, NOW, N’s a field tripper and officially a “big kid” in his room.

Competitive. I like that Nathanael is competitive – I want him to be a competitive but I also don’t want him to yell at his best buddy “you’re not my friend” when he loses. Not cool bud, not cool. I talked to his teacher, apparently – amongst the 4 year old boys being a sore loser is an epidemic. Who knew?

Words Hurt. Last week he told me several times that he didn’t want me to be his mommy anymore. When you’ve got so few tools in your arsenal of angry, well – he picks a good one. I almost started laughing at him. But, a cranky, pissed off 4 year old doesn’t want to be laughed at and it just sort of takes the drama up a level, who knew?

No Napping. We are pretty much done napping and it’s going well. Fridays can be a bit tough but, for the most part, it’s going well.

We are off to get the costume for Halloween. Spiderman was in the lead but it appears Transformers (not sure I’ll let him go there) and Captain America are dark horses.

The last month or so has been a complete blur – work has been out of control, am spent. But then I need to be honest with myself in that I love the challenge but I am not doing a very good job at being present.

I had to go into work on Sunday morning and i received input from Nathanael that stopped me in my tracks. I told him I was going in and he said to me – why are you always going to work? Can you for once skip it? Now, unlike the woman in the 10+ year ago commercial who then did drop everything and took their kids to the beach – I went to work. I am not really proud of this but the team at work needed me and so I had to serve my/our greater good this time – but I know that I always won’t.

Also, N is in a big train phase right now and I just can’t rally behind it. I know I gotta do these things, but trains are really not my thing. Yes, I will look back on this comment in shame in a few years.

The highlight of my day was N running out to the car when I got home and just expressing his big love for me and I shared the same and we had a lovely moment.

N has a thing about clothes – he has style (not sure about the taste yet). Anyway, he trashed his shoes and it was time for a new pair. So we went to buy new shoes and a winter coat (learned in MN, it is never too early to buy a winter coat). Anyway, we couldn’t find either that were up to his standards so I told him we would keep trying. Anyway, I expected a complete freak out but instead he thanked me for trying. Triumph: N has high EQ! Love it.

Tatah for now.